With all the talk about Facebook’s $100 billion valuation, I really started to wonder to myself: what in the name of all that is sacred would should Mark Zuckerberg do with that kind of money? I thought long and hard about this, and I really worry for good old ‘Zuck regarding the task ahead of him. I mean, you don’t want him to go blow cash on just any old accessory and / country, so I compiled a little buyers guide for Mark, just to help him with three choices he might run into.
The Gulfstream G650
Image credit and data from: Gulfstream
With a top speed of Mach 0.925 MMO (Maximum Operating Mach Number); this jet is most definitely NOT screwing around when it comes to speed. I’d like to see your dinky little Ferrari try to go fast enough to tear a hole in the sound barrier. Not only that, the gas mileage isn’t too bad either, I guess. This bad boy has a 7,000 nautical mile operating range. To wrap your head around this, that distance will fly you from Seoul, South Korea to Boston, MA on one tank of gas.
If that didn’t get you high enough of those stats, there is a 51,000-foot ceiling on this pressurized bad boy.
Estimated cost: $58 million (gas not included)
Should Mark buy it? You bet. That’s easy money for you buddy. Ann-yeong-ha-se-yo!
Mukesh Ambani’s House
Image credit and data from: Forbes
Ok, I’m going to go the other direction with this one. Look through the picture gallery here and you might find some classical styling that appeals to the finer senses and references back to lavish dreams that even Rockefeller had a tough time grasping. When I look at this place, I’m not impressed. I mean, come on Zuckerberg, the place is half-crooked and is completely inconsistent as each floor has its own unique materials and design. The “Antilla” as it is called by the family isn’t built yet; so that’s a bummer. That and this Mukesh Ambani plans on the living in the place once it’s complete, so you better get your dropout Harvard boys and get pretty drunk to kick him out.
On the better side, it does have some sweet bathrooms for throwing crazy parties with all your FB friends. Also, you can call watch that one movie about “the social network” (can’t remember which one) in the internal movie theater with a bunch of your friends. Snack bar aside, I think you can do better.
Estimated cost: $2 billion (plus popcorn)
Should Mark buy it? Hell no. Just buy Shaq’s place.
A (That’s the name: “A”)
Image credit and data from: Financial Jesus
This is by far the coolest boat to buy with your gigantic pile of cash Mr. Z. Hell, this boat is so cool that you don’t even have to mess around with consonants. Now, some super rich billionaire Andrey Melnichenko already owns the thing, but I’m sure he’d be cool with you buying it from him (being fellow billionaires and all). At 394 feet, it’s long enough to get some serious attention down at the docks. Moreover, with three on-board pools, it’s about as over the top as you would need to get (you don’t want to look like too much of a show-off, remember).
Worried about your privacy settings (get it?), well then check out the secret “nookie room” buried in some closet in the hall. I’d show you were it’s at, but I can’t find it. See what I mean, secret! One guestroom has white stingray wall covering, so that ought to keep the noise down and not wake up your roommates. Fingerprint security on the master suite is one-step above the “sock-on-door” method we all know is prone to “security breaches.”
Estimated cost: $350 million (clothing optional)
Should Mark buy it? Buy, buy, buy. Go get em’ tiger.
Other Options
Those are three decisions to help Mark Zuckerberg spend his money in an effective way once the cash starts rolling in. If he really wanted to be an a-hole about things and blow $100 billion on peanut M&Ms, he could net himself about 9.1 million tons of the delicious gems (that would be enough for the population of the world in 2050 to have two pounds of the stuff, each). Yes, I did just do that math.
So, what would YOU do with that kind of coin?
tagged: Humor / Fun
